Thoughts

 I keep thinking about this little girl coming into our lives so soon.  Every time she kicks I am reassured she is really there.  I am so grateful that her heart is still beating, and before I know it she is going to be in my arms.  I pray constantly that she is healthy.  I hope everyday she is happy and handles her big brothers roughness and jealousy well. I fear loosing her, just like I fear loosing any of my special people I love. 

 I get stressed when I think about Grayson and all the changes that are going to take place before this baby girl comes. Luckily we have tackled two big things.  He now sleeps in a big boy bed and he doesn't have a bottle anymore!  We plan to move rooms (this scares the crap out of me), but it makes the most since. Also I would REALLY like to get a start on potty training, I do know the standards for boys and potty training.  I don't have any unrealistic goals, but I do have hopes.  Grayson has recently stopped wetting through his diaper every morning now that the bottles are gone (thank goodness), and wakes up basically dry.  Oh, and he is a bully, who is super possessive of mom....that is going to be a bit of a challenge.

  

 I feel overwhelmed by the projects I feel I need to do asap.  Including finish Grayson's big boy bed (lots to do still) Prime and paint the crib and changing table for baby girl (yes I realize this could wait until after she is here).  I also have a whole bunch of kitchen cupboards to redo thanks to an unfortunate event with a fish oil pill exploding! This last on is by far the worst, it is SO completely frustrating, infuriating, and nauseating at the same time.

 

  Through all of these thoughts and feelings I have been so grateful to get back into working out and counting my calories (just to stay in practice and make decent choices).  Even though needing to workout sometimes is stressful, I feel like I think clearer, have a bit more patience, and feel a tiny bit better about the feeling huge part.  I know I've barley started the growing big part, but it doesn't change how I feel, or the way Ryan looks at me.    

I am so excited to be having a little girl, not only have I always wanted a little girl, she is going to be three months younger than her cousin Eirlyese (who's mother is my best friend).  Also 4 months younger than my close friends daughter Evelyn.  So she has built in buddies for life.  I cherished my girl cousins my age, it was truly wonderful growing up with built in buddies.  They helped me grow and build friendships outside of the "type" of people I would have naturally.

This baby girl is already so loved, and she is so blessed, we know she will be such a perfect addition to our family.  I can't wait to meet her, you know in about 4 months.  :0)