Goals, time, and lonliness.

Things I've accomplished since January 10th (besides cleaning my house laundry and the normal everyday)

I lost 15lbs, I am now 18lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight (since October) and I have a new goal to loose 5 more (by July?). Some depression has stemmed from this, even though it's been exciting, I had a couple weeks I have been holding on to that last pound and even with more working out and even healthier food choices it wasn't going anywhere, if anything I felt fatter! Grrr, sadly depression and food are like bacon and eggs, or cheese on macaroni, or milk to a cookie. Well you see what I'm saying. So today I feel better that scale finally moved, and I can see some changes. I wish I had the guts to put up before and after pictures, but I don't. Not yet anyways.

I painted our master just after Ryan left so from this:

To this:





I still have a lot of hopes and dreams to change stuff in there, but over time.

I made these cute Valentines day wreaths:


Of course I planned and pulled off Graysons' birthday party with just a little help from a couple friends!


I made this darling(if I do say so myself) clover for St Patrick's day:


And I just painted our living room so from this:



to this:

Now we just need different furniture so it isn't so cramped oh and the hideous carpet will burn someday! ;)

Most people are aware that Ryan has been out of town for an internship with Ford since January 10th. Ryan and I had never been away from each other since we got married for more then 5 days when he went to scout camp. He had not been gone more then one night since Grayson was born, but sha-blam 3 whole months! We were lucky enough to fly him home for a weekend for Graysons' first birthday! Now we are just counting down the days. I have been so blessed to feel so safe, however, with Jason living here and Chelsey.

So anyways, my feelings over the last two months have gone from highs to lows, and so has my productivity. I have found that without Ryan being home some things are much easier like eating healthy, and working out. Don't get me wrong though, everything else is harder.

Depression: So years ago when I would get depressed I would often blame it on not being where I want to be in my life (a mother), but now that I am I know it's more then that. I have to have my family, all of them. I need Grayson and Ryan to feel complete, and that will be true with our future children as well. Not that I ever didn't think I needed or wanted Ryan, but I knew I needed more then him. With Ryan gone I've had a couple of really rough days, I just couldn't make it right even though I tried, I do believe you create your own happiness, I believe you can decide, and I tried. I am happy, but that doesn't mean I can't be depressed sometimes. As it turns out the best way to keep me away from depression is with projects, and planning, and always having something to do, without feeling like I have too much to do. It's a mine field to mange the right business, but it is critical for me.

So while Ryan has been gone I have accomplished quite a few things!

My next plans are just little, touching up and fixing the trim in our house, maybe some eater decor. Who knows but, I know busy keeps me happier, so busy I'll bee!