No favorites here...

SO I love babies, I adore them, especially my own.  I have a hard time sharing them.  I have to have my turn holding her between people, and sometimes I just can't bring myself to even offer to let people hold her.  I remember feeling the same way with Grayson.  It isn't personal, it is my problem.  I also don't like people to hold her for very long. There are only a few people I feel differently about, Ryan being one of them of course.  I enjoy them holding her, and loving her as long as they want to.  I can't help it, that is how I feel.  I even start to get a bit anxious with them, but that is generally my need to feed her.

I can not put into words exactly how I feel, Vivian is already such an integral part of my soul.  She completes me, she is my piece I didn't even know was missing, just how I felt with Grayson.  I never questioned my ability to love her, I am only surprised at how much my love for her encompasses me.  She is meant to be here, she is special, and will do great things.  I feel it in her being. I am blessed to be her mom.

I fear going back to work, even though some days are hard, I love this time being home with my kiddos.  I love holding her half the day, and accomplishing seemingly simple tasks, one handed while nursing, comforting, or just holding Vi.  Grayson is amazingly patient (generally) and loves his baby sister.  He pats her head, holds her hand, gives her kisses, tries to give her a pacifier, and has even held her a couple of times.  He tells her goodnight, and gives her hugs, he loves to throw away her "pooped" diapers for me, he worries when she is sad, and he is always nice to her.

Actually all of my concern about him regressing has been for not.  He has grown up so much, and changed only for the better.  He has a wonderful bedtime routine now thanks to Dad, and he doesn't make us sit in his room until he falls asleep.  Life.Changing.  He get up and goes downstairs, if Jason is there he eats breakfast with him, otherwise he plays with toys or comes and check to see if I'm feeding Vivian.  His naps are also wonderful,he hold my hand in parking lots without a fight, he gets in his car seat and happily waits for me to come buckle him.  His over all attitude has improved and has occasionally put himself in time out when he wasn't handing life well.  I am so grateful that my little monster, is less of a monster.  He is talking a lot more now, and amazes me everyday with something new he is understanding or willing to reason with me about.  I love that boy.